I had very big plans for my gardens this year. At this beginning of the year I had 2 flower beds and 1 vegetable garden. I have a lot of lillies in the backyard and in the front flower bed I have several containers. I enjoy the gardens, and I love the end result. I hate keeping up with the weeds.
I had very big plans for my gardens this year. I convinced my husband that I need a bigger vegetable plot. I started with broccoli and spinach and corn and 2 different tomatoes, and peppers and green beans and peas. I was so excited. I had big plans for me and Izzy in the garden. I had her play pen ready to go out there. I was going to sit her in her bouncy seat and we were going to be crazy gardeners together. I think it was something I was eagerly awaiting. As soon as I knew she was coming in April and that she was a girl. I planned our garden time.
So then when I was left without my garden partner, I just couldn't bear to go out and be in the gardens without her. Maddy and Abbey went out and picked what vegetables we did get. A big windstorm blew over my lillies. The lamb's ear took over and consumed the tulips. My moonflower didn't grow at all. My beautiful pink lillies got squashed by a ladder. I left it all.
We planted a flowering tree in the backyard near the swingset. You can see it from every room in the house except our bedroom. It's Izzy's tree. I watched it compulsively every day. From a distance. I watered it if it seemed droopy, and I ventured close enough to take pictures twice. I felt guilty everytime I looked at it from the kitchen window. I hate that tree. It's a memorial here for Izzy. It flowered beautifully. I trust that sometime, someday I'll see the beauty in having such a beautiful reminder of my baby here for me to see. I hate that tree. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. I do not want some damn tree with it's white flowers. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. She was much more beautiful than that tree will ever be. She is more loved than that tree will ever be. She is more deserving of life than that tree. But I have the god damn tree and not my beautiful daughter.
So the weeds in the vegetable garden are approaching 2 feet. They are threatening to even choke out the persistent pumpkins. The weeds in the flower beds have covered the mulch. I realize that I must do something, but find my feet unable or unwilling to carry me out the gardens. I make it as far as the patio where I sweep and pretend that that is what I went outside to do. Maybe I'll just let the winter cold take care of it all for me, and when it's time for the thaw, I'll be ready to nuture the gardens again.
I had very big plans for my gardens this year. I convinced my husband that I need a bigger vegetable plot. I started with broccoli and spinach and corn and 2 different tomatoes, and peppers and green beans and peas. I was so excited. I had big plans for me and Izzy in the garden. I had her play pen ready to go out there. I was going to sit her in her bouncy seat and we were going to be crazy gardeners together. I think it was something I was eagerly awaiting. As soon as I knew she was coming in April and that she was a girl. I planned our garden time.
So then when I was left without my garden partner, I just couldn't bear to go out and be in the gardens without her. Maddy and Abbey went out and picked what vegetables we did get. A big windstorm blew over my lillies. The lamb's ear took over and consumed the tulips. My moonflower didn't grow at all. My beautiful pink lillies got squashed by a ladder. I left it all.
We planted a flowering tree in the backyard near the swingset. You can see it from every room in the house except our bedroom. It's Izzy's tree. I watched it compulsively every day. From a distance. I watered it if it seemed droopy, and I ventured close enough to take pictures twice. I felt guilty everytime I looked at it from the kitchen window. I hate that tree. It's a memorial here for Izzy. It flowered beautifully. I trust that sometime, someday I'll see the beauty in having such a beautiful reminder of my baby here for me to see. I hate that tree. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. I do not want some damn tree with it's white flowers. I want Izzy. I want Izzy. She was much more beautiful than that tree will ever be. She is more loved than that tree will ever be. She is more deserving of life than that tree. But I have the god damn tree and not my beautiful daughter.
So the weeds in the vegetable garden are approaching 2 feet. They are threatening to even choke out the persistent pumpkins. The weeds in the flower beds have covered the mulch. I realize that I must do something, but find my feet unable or unwilling to carry me out the gardens. I make it as far as the patio where I sweep and pretend that that is what I went outside to do. Maybe I'll just let the winter cold take care of it all for me, and when it's time for the thaw, I'll be ready to nuture the gardens again.
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