I had a different theme in mind when I sat down to write today. Then Maddy commandeered the keyboard and titled for me. And I realized that she and I are more in synq that I thought.
You see, I was going to write to Izzy and update her on all of the goings on. As though she doesn't know. She does, because she is with me, and Duffy, and Maddy and Abbey every day. Then Maddy's title made me remember something I was thinking about the other day.
Maddy and Abbey are going through all of this too. Kids have a reputation for bouncing back fast. So I think when it comes to grief and loss, we expect them to do just that. Bounce back and move on faster than the rest of us. Outwardly, it would appear that they have done just that. But sometimes I wonder, what they are thinking when they get quiet and pensive. When Abbey is quietly playing in Izzy's room, is it because she's trying to get away from Maddy or is it because she feels closer to Izzy there?
They don't ask about her. They will from, time to time, say that they miss her. Maddy writes stories about her birth and fun things that she did with Izzy, but she's never written about her death. I don't know if that's good or bad.
Abbey talks about her the most. She will laugh about funny Izzy things, and she'll talk to her, and she always cries a little at the gravesite. She always includes Izzy in pictures she draws of the family. I think she thinks about Izzy far more often than she discusses.
I love them far too much to express in words. There are days when all I can think about is leaving work to go get them and bring them home so I can be with them and know where they are, what they're doing and keep them safe. Then I remember that being home, doesn't necessarily mean they're safe. And I have to sit down and take deep breaths to avoid having a panic attack.
I am lucky to have been blessed with motherhood 3 times. I am lucky that Izzy was sent into my life. I have learned so much from her. I am lucky.
I'm not sure how many times I have to repeat this mantra before I start to feel it.
You see, I was going to write to Izzy and update her on all of the goings on. As though she doesn't know. She does, because she is with me, and Duffy, and Maddy and Abbey every day. Then Maddy's title made me remember something I was thinking about the other day.
Maddy and Abbey are going through all of this too. Kids have a reputation for bouncing back fast. So I think when it comes to grief and loss, we expect them to do just that. Bounce back and move on faster than the rest of us. Outwardly, it would appear that they have done just that. But sometimes I wonder, what they are thinking when they get quiet and pensive. When Abbey is quietly playing in Izzy's room, is it because she's trying to get away from Maddy or is it because she feels closer to Izzy there?
They don't ask about her. They will from, time to time, say that they miss her. Maddy writes stories about her birth and fun things that she did with Izzy, but she's never written about her death. I don't know if that's good or bad.
Abbey talks about her the most. She will laugh about funny Izzy things, and she'll talk to her, and she always cries a little at the gravesite. She always includes Izzy in pictures she draws of the family. I think she thinks about Izzy far more often than she discusses.
I love them far too much to express in words. There are days when all I can think about is leaving work to go get them and bring them home so I can be with them and know where they are, what they're doing and keep them safe. Then I remember that being home, doesn't necessarily mean they're safe. And I have to sit down and take deep breaths to avoid having a panic attack.
I am lucky to have been blessed with motherhood 3 times. I am lucky that Izzy was sent into my life. I have learned so much from her. I am lucky.
I'm not sure how many times I have to repeat this mantra before I start to feel it.
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