I have been very fortunate. Until Isabelle I had never lost anyone close to me. My great-grandmother died when I was 6 or 7, and I had a few classmates die when I was in High School, but I wasn't very close to them. I have been to 2 funerals, and one of them was Izzy's. I am very lucky.
This weekend we traveled back to Maryland for the funeral of someone very close to Duffy. I met Mr. and Mrs. Rupert the year after we were married. He was a huge part of Duffy's life for pretty much his whole life, and there was no question we would go back for the funeral.
Duffy was a pall bearer and sat with the rest of the pall bearers, so I sat by myself through the service and did whatever I could to think about something other than the last funeral I was at. So what I ended up thinking about was my funeral and what I wanted for my own. Duffy knows, and we have talked about this before, but I am going to share it here, so there is no confusion and I don't look down from Heaven and think, "Really, you people have one last event to plan for me and this is what I ended up with?" I don't want to sound full of myself, but if I leave Duffy behind, he's going to be lost for a while so someone else will have to handle the details.
I don't want to be buried in anything fancy. I want to wear something comfortable that I would have worn on an ordinary day. But please not my yoga pants and sweatshirt. I don't want an open casket, I would prefer to be remembered as I was in life. I don't anyone's last image of me to be in a casket, well, for the funeral director it will be, but he's getting paid, so that's fine. Please ask that in lieu of flowers and plants, that donations be made to the McDonough County Girls Softball League, unless god forbid, the girls are still in school and then they should go into an education fund for them. No hymns and group readings from scripture please. Please have a brief service with a positive message and then have people who knew me and loved me share funny stories that represent me. I want everyone to laugh and remember all the good times. I don't want to spend an hour or two at a service wringing as much emotion out of people as possible. I want to hear you all laughing and enjoying the day as we always did. Then you can all reconvene somewhere and eat lunch and really cut loose with the wild stories that are not appropriate for church.
Julia, Holly, Kris, Gretchen, Erica and Michelle, you are my closest friends. Please make sure that Duffy and my girls are okay. Take turns and check in on them often. Remind them that I'm with Izzy and we are doing great. Hug them as often as they'll let you and tell them I love them. Make sure Duffy isn't left alone too much.
Family, Tom, Jen, Jenny, Mom, Mom (Kassie) I trust you'll handle the details, getting everything where it needs to be. Finding places for all the food and stuff. Hopefully we'll have places to put all the paper products. Please make sure the thank you's get sent, and make sure that you are all enjoying the time together.
After reading this I feel that now is the time to add a disclaimer. I am not planning on checking out anytime soon. I plan to get old and perm and color my hair blue when I cross that threshold and stop knowing what looks good and normal. I plan to become obsessed with my yard and make all the new young families jealous with the amount of time I have to garden and complain about their kids riding their bikes through my grass. I plan to spoil my grandchildren and tell them all the stories about how Maddy and Abbey grew up. I plan to do lots and lots of things, and since I haven't even put a drop in that bucket, I'm going nowhere.
I just think it's important to have my wishes known so there is absolutely no confusion about what should happen.
This weekend we traveled back to Maryland for the funeral of someone very close to Duffy. I met Mr. and Mrs. Rupert the year after we were married. He was a huge part of Duffy's life for pretty much his whole life, and there was no question we would go back for the funeral.
Duffy was a pall bearer and sat with the rest of the pall bearers, so I sat by myself through the service and did whatever I could to think about something other than the last funeral I was at. So what I ended up thinking about was my funeral and what I wanted for my own. Duffy knows, and we have talked about this before, but I am going to share it here, so there is no confusion and I don't look down from Heaven and think, "Really, you people have one last event to plan for me and this is what I ended up with?" I don't want to sound full of myself, but if I leave Duffy behind, he's going to be lost for a while so someone else will have to handle the details.
I don't want to be buried in anything fancy. I want to wear something comfortable that I would have worn on an ordinary day. But please not my yoga pants and sweatshirt. I don't want an open casket, I would prefer to be remembered as I was in life. I don't anyone's last image of me to be in a casket, well, for the funeral director it will be, but he's getting paid, so that's fine. Please ask that in lieu of flowers and plants, that donations be made to the McDonough County Girls Softball League, unless god forbid, the girls are still in school and then they should go into an education fund for them. No hymns and group readings from scripture please. Please have a brief service with a positive message and then have people who knew me and loved me share funny stories that represent me. I want everyone to laugh and remember all the good times. I don't want to spend an hour or two at a service wringing as much emotion out of people as possible. I want to hear you all laughing and enjoying the day as we always did. Then you can all reconvene somewhere and eat lunch and really cut loose with the wild stories that are not appropriate for church.
Julia, Holly, Kris, Gretchen, Erica and Michelle, you are my closest friends. Please make sure that Duffy and my girls are okay. Take turns and check in on them often. Remind them that I'm with Izzy and we are doing great. Hug them as often as they'll let you and tell them I love them. Make sure Duffy isn't left alone too much.
Family, Tom, Jen, Jenny, Mom, Mom (Kassie) I trust you'll handle the details, getting everything where it needs to be. Finding places for all the food and stuff. Hopefully we'll have places to put all the paper products. Please make sure the thank you's get sent, and make sure that you are all enjoying the time together.
After reading this I feel that now is the time to add a disclaimer. I am not planning on checking out anytime soon. I plan to get old and perm and color my hair blue when I cross that threshold and stop knowing what looks good and normal. I plan to become obsessed with my yard and make all the new young families jealous with the amount of time I have to garden and complain about their kids riding their bikes through my grass. I plan to spoil my grandchildren and tell them all the stories about how Maddy and Abbey grew up. I plan to do lots and lots of things, and since I haven't even put a drop in that bucket, I'm going nowhere.
I just think it's important to have my wishes known so there is absolutely no confusion about what should happen.
I promise to tell the story about how I met you the first time when you were mad and yelling at me, and how I met you the second time when I was your daughter's teacher. I also promise to talk about rumble strips. But most importantly, while I cannot promise this will happen, I fully intend to be dying my hair blue in the chair next to yours.
ReplyDeleteNow wait a minute... I though you were the pink hair and mine was blue? Because I'd totally go for pink but my hair is too dark. Except I always forget that by the time I'm dying it it will be WHITE, so I guess pink will do.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I remember a similar post from years ago with something funny about Guy and his appendix and telling stories about that. haha.
I promise to tell the story about wayne and the car..It is always my favorite memory of you and I lol!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you sis, jen
Oh, man! I have to come up with a good story. Let's go do something crazy so I have a good story.
ReplyDeleteErica