I haven't written much lately. I haven't had much to say. I have sat down to write several times, and nothing comes out. I have forced myself to write before, and then it's just crap, so I have decided to say nothing when I have nothing to say.
But I'm having kind of a crappy week. Writing always makes me feel better, so I'm forcing myself to have some kind of therapy. So here it is.
I have had so many thoughts bouncing around in my head this week, that this post may be a jumbled bit of random thoughts. But then, maybe that will help me organize them, maybe figure out why I can't put them together in a post as I usually do.
1) As most of you know we are organizing a blood drive for Isabelle's birthday. We are hosting it with Mississippi Valley Regional Blood Center. I am very excited to do something for her birthday. I think it will be a great event.
2) We have designed sort of a logo for Team Izzy since we plan to do so much more than the blood drive to honor her memory. We are ordering shirts and pins and mugs and it's amazing the turnout we have had for the order.
3) Having so many people buy shirts and want to donate for Izzy makes Duffy feel like we are asking for a handout. He is pretty miserable about that. He likes what we are trying to do, and wants to honor her memory, but I think it's having people walk up to him and hand him $ for shirts and say "I don't even care if I get a shirt" makes him feel inadequate.
4)I'm organizing a toy drive for our local Regional Council, and I am very excited to see what a bunch of moms and friends can do, with very little effort.
5) I worry what people think of what we are doing. I hope that no one thinks we are doing this all for the wrong reasons. I think that after a time, only those closest to us will remember Izzy. That makes me sad. It seems like she was given to us for a reason, and maybe I don't know yet what that reason was, but I'm trying to find it. There has to be a reason. If there isn't, then I'm lost and I don't know if I can find myself again. If I do this in her memory and make sure that everyone remembers her, that everyone knows her, then that means there was a reason that my baby girl doesn't get to have Christmas with us. Then that means there is a reason that her yellow bedroom upstairs is empty. So if no one is going to give me a reason, then I will find my own. And since God is currently not responding to either my FB requests or emails, then I am left to interpret the information I currently have on hand.
Izzy was born with a very rare blood disorder, she received several transfusions, she was cared for by fantastic doctors, and nurses, she received a blanket from a fantastic organization, there are so many people living with disorders in the hemophilia family, there are wonderful moms out there fighting for help and attention and treatment for these disorders, I am fortunate in that I can provide for my children, there are others who cannot, there is a need for regular blood donations. So the answer must be C. You have been tasked with making an impact on this disorder. You have been tasked with getting the word out. You have been tasked with looking outside your home and seeing that others need more than you, and you should share your good fortune. So I am.
God, for future reference, you don't have to take away something so precious to get my attention. I would have responded to your email.
But I'm having kind of a crappy week. Writing always makes me feel better, so I'm forcing myself to have some kind of therapy. So here it is.
I have had so many thoughts bouncing around in my head this week, that this post may be a jumbled bit of random thoughts. But then, maybe that will help me organize them, maybe figure out why I can't put them together in a post as I usually do.
1) As most of you know we are organizing a blood drive for Isabelle's birthday. We are hosting it with Mississippi Valley Regional Blood Center. I am very excited to do something for her birthday. I think it will be a great event.
2) We have designed sort of a logo for Team Izzy since we plan to do so much more than the blood drive to honor her memory. We are ordering shirts and pins and mugs and it's amazing the turnout we have had for the order.
3) Having so many people buy shirts and want to donate for Izzy makes Duffy feel like we are asking for a handout. He is pretty miserable about that. He likes what we are trying to do, and wants to honor her memory, but I think it's having people walk up to him and hand him $ for shirts and say "I don't even care if I get a shirt" makes him feel inadequate.
4)I'm organizing a toy drive for our local Regional Council, and I am very excited to see what a bunch of moms and friends can do, with very little effort.
5) I worry what people think of what we are doing. I hope that no one thinks we are doing this all for the wrong reasons. I think that after a time, only those closest to us will remember Izzy. That makes me sad. It seems like she was given to us for a reason, and maybe I don't know yet what that reason was, but I'm trying to find it. There has to be a reason. If there isn't, then I'm lost and I don't know if I can find myself again. If I do this in her memory and make sure that everyone remembers her, that everyone knows her, then that means there was a reason that my baby girl doesn't get to have Christmas with us. Then that means there is a reason that her yellow bedroom upstairs is empty. So if no one is going to give me a reason, then I will find my own. And since God is currently not responding to either my FB requests or emails, then I am left to interpret the information I currently have on hand.
Izzy was born with a very rare blood disorder, she received several transfusions, she was cared for by fantastic doctors, and nurses, she received a blanket from a fantastic organization, there are so many people living with disorders in the hemophilia family, there are wonderful moms out there fighting for help and attention and treatment for these disorders, I am fortunate in that I can provide for my children, there are others who cannot, there is a need for regular blood donations. So the answer must be C. You have been tasked with making an impact on this disorder. You have been tasked with getting the word out. You have been tasked with looking outside your home and seeing that others need more than you, and you should share your good fortune. So I am.
God, for future reference, you don't have to take away something so precious to get my attention. I would have responded to your email.
I think you're doing an excellent job of getting the word out. But if God ever emails you, can you give me the email address? I have a question or three thousand to ask. <3
ReplyDeleteYou have done a wonderful job in honoring your daughter's memory. I am amazed at how you have handled it all. You are an amazing woman, and I am so blessed to call you my friend.
ReplyDeleteKerri
You wonder how to keep Izzy always with us...yesterday, I became a blood donor for the first time...and the reason that I did it was because Izzy brought donation to the forefront of my thoughts. So, thanks, Izzy. You may have helped save a life, or helped make someone's life a little better.
ReplyDeleteCathy