My new mornings

I am sitting here at home growing this baby. I'm no longer working, so now I am spending my time with the dogs, the belly and lots of laundry. It's exciting this new life I have. For example, this morning I was trying to finish an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter upstairs. Abbey got up around 6:30 and headed downstairs. She cuddled quietly on the couch unreponsive but blinking so I went back to bed to see Dog in his leather poncho apprehend the fugitive. I get a text from Duffy telling me to have a good day. I read this to mean that he hopes I'm less bitchy when he gets home and have a better dinner prepared than the icky soup I made last night. Abbey calls for me, as Beth is arguing with the rest of the team that it will be more effective to shine a flashlight in the fugitive's face than to taze the hell out of him. As they are trying to change her mind I go downstairs. Clothing has been requested, so I got back upstairs and collect Abbey's clothing for the day. I deliver it, go back upstairs, and the big bad fugitive is weeping in handcuffs. Damn it. Sally and I go in to the diva's room to wake her up. We are on eggshells as it is impossible to predict if we'll find Maddy under the covers, or a sleepy harpy bent on our destruction. Exhale, it's just Maddy under the covers, and she's quite chipper. Sweet, it's 7:05, 50% of the children are dressed, 100% are awake. I head to the kitchen to make lunches. I make my usual call for lunch bags, and I am handed one that is suspiciously heavy. I look inside. This lunch bag contains a juice pouch, banana and pbj with the crusts cut off. Seriously? Can I recycle this sandwich and save myself the hassle today? Nope, jelly soaked through the bread. I pull the bread out of the cabinet, forget that the dogs ripped a hole in the plastic while trying to help me unpack the bags and I dump a half a loaf on my head. Then I drop jelly on the edge of the counter and when I reach over my head to put the bread away, I get the jelly on the underside of the belly. It is cold and I can't see it to get it all wiped off. I ask Maddy for help. She widens, rolls her eyes and then walks away. I do the best I can, and plan to get it off in the shower later. Abbey sits down in a kitchen chair and starts putting on her socks crying because I wrote the wrong size down on the form for the roller skate size for school PE. She says, all in one breath, "they are boys skates, and you wrote size 2 and those are too big, so now I have to wear 13 and they hurt my feet, and why did you do it wrong?" She then explains that the size 1 was too big and that's why she has to wear a 13. Alrighty then. Lunches packed, everyone has hair brushed and teeth combed (yes, that's actually what I told them to do hahahaha). Shoes are on, and then Maddy asks me if her outfit is colorful. Um no, you're wearing jean shorts and a white and blue shirt, not my idea of colorful. It's Hawaiian Day at school, so we are now on the hunt for the elusive hawaiian leis that I know we have here at the house. However, despite the existence of at least 2 dozen, I can find zero. Finally we locate them, put them on and head out the door. As we buckle our seatbelts I run through the checklist. Lunches, homework, folders, anything else. No one jumps out of the car for something forgotten so we pull out of the driveway. We get all the way to school and a favorite song comes on the radio, so I turn up the volume. Oh, my bad, it's a favorite of mine, they have zero appreciation for Bon Jovi. Maddy says, "You know Mom, you can just drop us off at the sidewalk, no need to go through the parent drop off line where there are people. We'll be fine." Abbey looks at me and just nods her head. I pull up to the curb and unlock the doors, as they are getting out of the car, they both pull off their leis, shut the door and don't look back. I resist the temptation to roll down the windows and turn the music up super loud.