I was at work today, and one of my semi-regular customers came through the DT. He said "Hey, I think you lost something" I said "Huh?" He said, "was it a boy or girl? You were pregnant." He gives me a look like I'm obviously quite dim-witted. I replied that she was a girl, but that she died last month. I felt horribly for him, because I'm sure he felt terrible. It seems like such an innocent question, and for almost the entire population it is. I thought of him for the rest of the day because I really felt bad for him.
Duffy tells me that there are a few people at work that won't make eye contact with him anymore, let alone speak to him. Thankfully, the bulk of the people he works with have been phenomenally supportive. There are a handful of customers that are a little awkward with me know, but I understand, because if I were in their shoes, I'd be the same way.
A lovely woman who I don't really know at all told me a story on my first day back. She said that she had lost a son when he was two days old. She said that for the first year after he died she was so mad at God that she couldn't breathe. Her husband asked her every Sunday if she was going to church, and every Sunday she said no. One Sunday he asked her again if she was going to church and she said no. He asked her why and she told him that she was angry with God. He said, "Don't you think God knows that?"
I am really struck by that story. It really has been a comfort to me to think about Isabelle in Heaven. We believe and have taught the girls that in Heaven, families are together forever. That when it is our time to go to Heaven that we will be with Isabelle and all our loved ones again. Isabelle will be beautiful and healthy, and even though it will be a very long time before we see her, it won't seem like very long to her, and she will know us and hug us and kiss us. I don't know if God always knows what is best. I like to think that everyone makes mistakes, and I think this was a BIG one. But second-guessing things that are out of my control doesn't help me or anyone, and it doesn't bring her back.
Isabelle was here for 21 days that taught me a lot. If not for Isabelle, we would not now be making sure that her big sisters are healthy, and that they have the opportunity to have their own healthy babies. Now that we know about this disorder, we are going to do everything we can to educate people and bring attention to this often treatable disorder. We have a lot to thank her for, and I can be at peace with that. Most of the time.
Duffy tells me that there are a few people at work that won't make eye contact with him anymore, let alone speak to him. Thankfully, the bulk of the people he works with have been phenomenally supportive. There are a handful of customers that are a little awkward with me know, but I understand, because if I were in their shoes, I'd be the same way.
A lovely woman who I don't really know at all told me a story on my first day back. She said that she had lost a son when he was two days old. She said that for the first year after he died she was so mad at God that she couldn't breathe. Her husband asked her every Sunday if she was going to church, and every Sunday she said no. One Sunday he asked her again if she was going to church and she said no. He asked her why and she told him that she was angry with God. He said, "Don't you think God knows that?"
I am really struck by that story. It really has been a comfort to me to think about Isabelle in Heaven. We believe and have taught the girls that in Heaven, families are together forever. That when it is our time to go to Heaven that we will be with Isabelle and all our loved ones again. Isabelle will be beautiful and healthy, and even though it will be a very long time before we see her, it won't seem like very long to her, and she will know us and hug us and kiss us. I don't know if God always knows what is best. I like to think that everyone makes mistakes, and I think this was a BIG one. But second-guessing things that are out of my control doesn't help me or anyone, and it doesn't bring her back.
Isabelle was here for 21 days that taught me a lot. If not for Isabelle, we would not now be making sure that her big sisters are healthy, and that they have the opportunity to have their own healthy babies. Now that we know about this disorder, we are going to do everything we can to educate people and bring attention to this often treatable disorder. We have a lot to thank her for, and I can be at peace with that. Most of the time.
I can understand feeling awkward, though I wouldn't say that is how I feel. I just feel that sense of wrongness that you mention when I talk to you. It seems wrong to just chit chat as if everything is normal, when it so clearly is not. But I can't imagine not making eye contact or talking to someone because they are sad or are grieving....I suppose it makes sense to those people, but it sucks. :(
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