So usually, I don't pay much mind to what people think of me, but I am terrified of becoming depressing. I have made Julia promise to warn me if I start to drag everyone down, but I do worry. I don't go out of my way to be overly cheerful or overly emotional, I just go day to day. I know that it's important to allow my grief to take it's own path, and that's what I'm trying to do, but it's hard to balance this with how my life operated before May 20th.
I find myself worrying that we'll forget Izzy. I ask the girls from time to time if they remember Izzy, and what they remember. They always tell some funny story about something they did with her, and it always makes me smile. I am so glad that they can talk about their memories of her without being sad. I worry that they are afraid to talk to me about her because they don't want to make me sad. I try not to cry when we talk about her, so they feel comfortable talking about her. I hope that the fact that they can talk about her without being sad is a sign that we have handled them well, and that they will come through this healthy and well-adjusted. I have been worried that this has altered them forever. I know that it has in some way, but I don't want them to get lost.
I try to concern myself only with what is best for the 4 of us, but I don't want to make things weird for those people who really matter to us. I feel very awkward around people who are sick or grieving, and maybe that is why I am so sensitive to what others may be thinking, but I'm trying to forget that.
I find myself worrying that we'll forget Izzy. I ask the girls from time to time if they remember Izzy, and what they remember. They always tell some funny story about something they did with her, and it always makes me smile. I am so glad that they can talk about their memories of her without being sad. I worry that they are afraid to talk to me about her because they don't want to make me sad. I try not to cry when we talk about her, so they feel comfortable talking about her. I hope that the fact that they can talk about her without being sad is a sign that we have handled them well, and that they will come through this healthy and well-adjusted. I have been worried that this has altered them forever. I know that it has in some way, but I don't want them to get lost.
I try to concern myself only with what is best for the 4 of us, but I don't want to make things weird for those people who really matter to us. I feel very awkward around people who are sick or grieving, and maybe that is why I am so sensitive to what others may be thinking, but I'm trying to forget that.
You are handling yourself and your family fabulously. Don't question yourself or what others are thinking. You are amazing and I feel so blessed to know you.
ReplyDeleteErica
Yes, the lost of their sister will forever make an impact on your children...but it doesn't have to be a negative impact. Hopefully your girls will grow up not taking their loved ones for granted, as so many of us do. They will know the value of family, and will be able to support others going through a loss, having gone through one themselves. Continue to celebrate her life, because she will always be part of your family. My dad lost both of his parents before the age of 12, and he has been a very successful person and a great dad, so they will come through this. Take care! Kathy Crossland Thomas
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