It has been a busy couple of days now that the girls are home. I am so happy to have them here, I haven't thought of much else. Now that the excitement has faded, we are kind of back into our groove. Unfortunately that means my mind has begun wandering again.
I was sitting in Izzy's room the other day just thinking, and I thought maybe it's time to put some things away. But I knew immediately that I am not ready yet. I thought about moving her swing out of the living room for Girls' Night. I didn't want it to be weird for anyone to see it there. I didn't because I don't want to. It makes me think of her swinging away, of the dogs trying desperately to sniff her while the swing was moving without getting smacked in the head. It reminds me of how excited Maddy and Abbey were to pick out the swing and put it together. I'm not ready to put those memories away just yet.
On top of her dresser is a pile of clean laundry, things she wore that were in the laundry when she died. She had so little time to wear all the fabulous things she owned that most of the clothes she wore are either sitting on top of the dresser, or have been packed away in our memory box. I think I may put all the things she wore away, because I don't know how I would feel seeing them on any future Duffys. I wonder sometimes if I don't put away her laundry because then it will really be over.
In a laundry basket next to her bed are winter clothes and Christmas outfits that I pulled out of storage for her to wear. They are all cleaned and laundered. Several of them were worn by Maddy and Abbey, and I was thinking I would pull out pictures of them, and then when the time came, I would have pictures of all 3 of them in the same outfit.
These are the things that make it hard to breathe.
These are the things that catch me by surprise when I'm having an otherwise normal day. I went walking the other day and no matter what route I take I always end up going to visit her. If you haven't been to her grave, I'll explain that we have 2 hanging baskets there that were full of bright pink petunias. A few weeks ago there was a massive caterpillar infestation, and they ate them all the way down to stumps. I was afraid they wouldn't come back, but I was hopeful. When I went out the other day, they had not only survived, they were covered with blooms that will open sometime this week. We planted a Hydrangea tree in our backyard to start our Isabelle garden. I didn't expect the tree to bloom in it's first year. It is going to bloom this week. It makes me smile a little thinking of those 2 little signs that Izzy is watching over us trying to give us reasons to smile. Maybe to remind us not to wallow around, and feel sorry for ourselves because we miss her. But man do I miss her.
I was sitting in Izzy's room the other day just thinking, and I thought maybe it's time to put some things away. But I knew immediately that I am not ready yet. I thought about moving her swing out of the living room for Girls' Night. I didn't want it to be weird for anyone to see it there. I didn't because I don't want to. It makes me think of her swinging away, of the dogs trying desperately to sniff her while the swing was moving without getting smacked in the head. It reminds me of how excited Maddy and Abbey were to pick out the swing and put it together. I'm not ready to put those memories away just yet.
On top of her dresser is a pile of clean laundry, things she wore that were in the laundry when she died. She had so little time to wear all the fabulous things she owned that most of the clothes she wore are either sitting on top of the dresser, or have been packed away in our memory box. I think I may put all the things she wore away, because I don't know how I would feel seeing them on any future Duffys. I wonder sometimes if I don't put away her laundry because then it will really be over.
In a laundry basket next to her bed are winter clothes and Christmas outfits that I pulled out of storage for her to wear. They are all cleaned and laundered. Several of them were worn by Maddy and Abbey, and I was thinking I would pull out pictures of them, and then when the time came, I would have pictures of all 3 of them in the same outfit.
These are the things that make it hard to breathe.
These are the things that catch me by surprise when I'm having an otherwise normal day. I went walking the other day and no matter what route I take I always end up going to visit her. If you haven't been to her grave, I'll explain that we have 2 hanging baskets there that were full of bright pink petunias. A few weeks ago there was a massive caterpillar infestation, and they ate them all the way down to stumps. I was afraid they wouldn't come back, but I was hopeful. When I went out the other day, they had not only survived, they were covered with blooms that will open sometime this week. We planted a Hydrangea tree in our backyard to start our Isabelle garden. I didn't expect the tree to bloom in it's first year. It is going to bloom this week. It makes me smile a little thinking of those 2 little signs that Izzy is watching over us trying to give us reasons to smile. Maybe to remind us not to wallow around, and feel sorry for ourselves because we miss her. But man do I miss her.
Thank you for leaving her swing out for Girls Night! I found myself looking at it several times thinking how neatly her pacifier and hat were placed on it. Such a sweet little memory of an angel.
ReplyDeleteHolly
I just wanted to post a quick comment about what a beautiful family you have and how amazing your strength is helping me. Since your Isabelle was born I saw pictures on facebook, so gorgeous! I just wanted you to know you've been in my prayers your whole family for strength and peace! God Bless
ReplyDeleteI admit I feel mostly sad to see the swing and the pictures. But that's OK. I expect to come to your house and be reminded of Isabelle. And sometimes that makes me smile and sometimes it makes me sad and it's really all OK. It's YOUR house and you need to do what you need to do, not what you think will make others happy (or less sad or comfortable or whatever!).
ReplyDeleteIf you are worried that some friends might not come over if they get too sad, then that might be a different story. But the friends of yours that I've met wouldn't dream of doing anything like that.
I did notice the flowers were not as bountiful as they had been, but I thought maybe it was just the hot weather. :) Glad to hear the caterpillars are gone.