There are days when I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say or write, but I've been thinking that if this blog will truly reflect what my grieving process is like, then I should include the days when I don't go crazy and cry all day.
I'm thinking today will be one of those days. I'm home all day, and the girls asked to stay home, so I think I'll let them which unfortunately means I'm giving up my standing Tuesday lunch date with my besties. So we'll stay home today and try to get some stuff done.
I really want them to want to go to school today so I can be home alone and go to lunch, but Isabelle reminds me that time with the girls is much more precious and important than anything else. I can't get back this time with them, and we are all too quickly approaching the years when they can't stand to be around me, so I need a stockpile of these days to fall back on.
There are so many things that I didn't get done with Isabelle, that I kick myself for on a regular basis. I didn't get the 5 of us to Julia to get our first pictures done. So as a result, there is not a single picture of the 5 of us together. I don't have a picture of me and my girls, or Dad and his girls. I didn't put her feet and hand prints in her baby book. I have friends who never got to see her or hold her. The last time I posted about her on FB I was complaining about her being fussy. I think about these regrets often, and I suspect I always will.
Dan and I promised that we would learn from Isabelle and not let work or our activities come before the girls. Sometimes before we would stay at work a little longer, or miss a school thing because we were busy. Not now.
So we're going to have a boring, uneventful day cleaning and doing laundry. 2 months ago, the girls would be going to Catch A Star, under protest, so I could have the day. Now, I'm going to spend the time with them and make sure that every day, they know they are important and loved.
I'm thinking today will be one of those days. I'm home all day, and the girls asked to stay home, so I think I'll let them which unfortunately means I'm giving up my standing Tuesday lunch date with my besties. So we'll stay home today and try to get some stuff done.
I really want them to want to go to school today so I can be home alone and go to lunch, but Isabelle reminds me that time with the girls is much more precious and important than anything else. I can't get back this time with them, and we are all too quickly approaching the years when they can't stand to be around me, so I need a stockpile of these days to fall back on.
There are so many things that I didn't get done with Isabelle, that I kick myself for on a regular basis. I didn't get the 5 of us to Julia to get our first pictures done. So as a result, there is not a single picture of the 5 of us together. I don't have a picture of me and my girls, or Dad and his girls. I didn't put her feet and hand prints in her baby book. I have friends who never got to see her or hold her. The last time I posted about her on FB I was complaining about her being fussy. I think about these regrets often, and I suspect I always will.
Dan and I promised that we would learn from Isabelle and not let work or our activities come before the girls. Sometimes before we would stay at work a little longer, or miss a school thing because we were busy. Not now.
So we're going to have a boring, uneventful day cleaning and doing laundry. 2 months ago, the girls would be going to Catch A Star, under protest, so I could have the day. Now, I'm going to spend the time with them and make sure that every day, they know they are important and loved.
Know that you are helping other people to appreciate what they have as well. Your posts are so powerful. I have been home with Maddie for the past 4 days following her tonsillectomy. It has not been fun. Now I sit here, my first day back at work and miss that I am not there for her. Even the times that are not fun are important. Thanks for reminding me of that.
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