I just realized as I typed the title that I first must say that we are currently not growing anything new. Well except laundry and dishes.
Duffy has always said he'd have as many children as we could afford, or as many as I'd let him have. He once suggested 50. I suggested he move to Utah and get a few more wives. Me, I'm always done. I was done after we had Abbey. When we were pregnant with Izzy, I was done. Well, publicly anyway.
Privately, I love babies. I would have tons. I don't want to be Michelle Duggar, but I love babies, and I love kids. Pregnancy is not a Niki Duffy fan, but it has gotten easier each time, and so has labor and delivery. I don't think I'll ever be able to just "Captain Morgan it" (please see Julia or Duffy for a demonstration), but it has gotten better. When we found out we were having our third girl, I was pretty sure we'd have a fourth, but I didn't say anything to anyone. Not even Duffy.
One of the strangest things about losing Izzy and all of the weird things I've felt and gone through, is being overwhelmed by the strongest urge to have another baby the very same week I lost Izzy. It made me sick. I felt disgusted with myself to be having that thought. It still makes me sick to think about it, but I do.
Of all the things that felt wrong to me, that feels the worst, but I still couldn't shake it, still can't. It's only been in the last month, that I have doubts about having another baby. It's not the money, we've always figured it out. It's not worry about replacing Izzy. We could never do that, and it's not a thought we've had. It's mostly worry about Factor X.
What if it happened again? What if she or he had a deficiency that was more survivable, but still affected their life significantly? Could we survive going through it all over again? I don't know. I don't want to know.
And then I think, do we ever know? Maddy and Abbey could have been born with a million different defects. They weren't. Maddy or Abbey or Izzy could have not been born breathing. They were. I have never opted to have testing to indicate Down's or any other defect. My answer has been the same all 3 times. "No need, it would't change anything." And it wouldn't. There isn't a thing that could happen to change the love I have felt for each of my children from the beginning. I am grateful to them each day for making a mother out of me, and I think I could stand to be grateful again.
Duffy has always said he'd have as many children as we could afford, or as many as I'd let him have. He once suggested 50. I suggested he move to Utah and get a few more wives. Me, I'm always done. I was done after we had Abbey. When we were pregnant with Izzy, I was done. Well, publicly anyway.
Privately, I love babies. I would have tons. I don't want to be Michelle Duggar, but I love babies, and I love kids. Pregnancy is not a Niki Duffy fan, but it has gotten easier each time, and so has labor and delivery. I don't think I'll ever be able to just "Captain Morgan it" (please see Julia or Duffy for a demonstration), but it has gotten better. When we found out we were having our third girl, I was pretty sure we'd have a fourth, but I didn't say anything to anyone. Not even Duffy.
One of the strangest things about losing Izzy and all of the weird things I've felt and gone through, is being overwhelmed by the strongest urge to have another baby the very same week I lost Izzy. It made me sick. I felt disgusted with myself to be having that thought. It still makes me sick to think about it, but I do.
Of all the things that felt wrong to me, that feels the worst, but I still couldn't shake it, still can't. It's only been in the last month, that I have doubts about having another baby. It's not the money, we've always figured it out. It's not worry about replacing Izzy. We could never do that, and it's not a thought we've had. It's mostly worry about Factor X.
What if it happened again? What if she or he had a deficiency that was more survivable, but still affected their life significantly? Could we survive going through it all over again? I don't know. I don't want to know.
And then I think, do we ever know? Maddy and Abbey could have been born with a million different defects. They weren't. Maddy or Abbey or Izzy could have not been born breathing. They were. I have never opted to have testing to indicate Down's or any other defect. My answer has been the same all 3 times. "No need, it would't change anything." And it wouldn't. There isn't a thing that could happen to change the love I have felt for each of my children from the beginning. I am grateful to them each day for making a mother out of me, and I think I could stand to be grateful again.
You are one of the best moms I've ever had the pleasure to watch in action. I mean... well... yeah, I've even watched you *becoming* a mom... no wait not the first part... the part where you met her. :) And as long as we stagger the bellies, I will totally be there for the next 47, at which point you *will* be Captain Morganing it. hehehehe... that part made me laugh pretty hard!
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