Dear Isabelle,
Yesterday was your first Thanksgiving. You should be 7 months old. I think we would have let you play with mashed potatoes all over your high chair tray. Maddy and Abbey would have made you your very own place card, so there would be no confusion about where you were sitting. You would have been hamming it up with your little 2-3 teeth smile and everyone would have been laughing at your mashed potato mess. I missed that today.
I was at work yesterday morning thinking about how irritated Daddy would have been at me for leaving him home with a 25 pound turkey to cook, a loaf of bread to pick for stuffing, and the 3 of you girls to corral. Instead, it was no big deal, because between us, Maddy and Abbey are completely capable of managing themselves, and I know they won't let him burn the house down. In fact, he was napping on the couch and an oven mitt caught fire, and Maddy found it and woke him up.
Daddy and I had a long talk about you last night. He misses you horribly, and in missing you, can't feel happy about many things. I don't know if he feels like he's forgetting you when he's happy, or if he's just at the depression stage of grief and this too shall pass, but I know he's sad more often than not.
I tried to explain how I force myself to think about my sadness. I am so sad missing you somedays that I can't think about anything else. I miss you so much and so often, it feels like that's all I have. Then I sit/stand up straight. I tell myself that it is not fair to you to make your memory a sad one. It's not fair to all the other parts of my life secondary to the sadness that not having you has caused. If I want you to live on forever, then I owe it to you to make your memory positive. I owe it to you to remember how great you were. I owe it to you to make everyone know how special you were and how lucky we were to meet you. I owe it to you to make your life count.
Maddy and Abbey will get to grow up and find their own way. They will find their path and make their mark in a way that works for them and fits into their life. You were not given that chance, so we are tasked with making your life count. I hope we're doing that. I hope we make you proud. I hope that when people think of Isabelle Christine Duffy, they think about how special your life was, how happy you made so many people, and how much good has come from your life.
I love you.
Mommy
Yesterday was your first Thanksgiving. You should be 7 months old. I think we would have let you play with mashed potatoes all over your high chair tray. Maddy and Abbey would have made you your very own place card, so there would be no confusion about where you were sitting. You would have been hamming it up with your little 2-3 teeth smile and everyone would have been laughing at your mashed potato mess. I missed that today.
I was at work yesterday morning thinking about how irritated Daddy would have been at me for leaving him home with a 25 pound turkey to cook, a loaf of bread to pick for stuffing, and the 3 of you girls to corral. Instead, it was no big deal, because between us, Maddy and Abbey are completely capable of managing themselves, and I know they won't let him burn the house down. In fact, he was napping on the couch and an oven mitt caught fire, and Maddy found it and woke him up.
Daddy and I had a long talk about you last night. He misses you horribly, and in missing you, can't feel happy about many things. I don't know if he feels like he's forgetting you when he's happy, or if he's just at the depression stage of grief and this too shall pass, but I know he's sad more often than not.
I tried to explain how I force myself to think about my sadness. I am so sad missing you somedays that I can't think about anything else. I miss you so much and so often, it feels like that's all I have. Then I sit/stand up straight. I tell myself that it is not fair to you to make your memory a sad one. It's not fair to all the other parts of my life secondary to the sadness that not having you has caused. If I want you to live on forever, then I owe it to you to make your memory positive. I owe it to you to remember how great you were. I owe it to you to make everyone know how special you were and how lucky we were to meet you. I owe it to you to make your life count.
Maddy and Abbey will get to grow up and find their own way. They will find their path and make their mark in a way that works for them and fits into their life. You were not given that chance, so we are tasked with making your life count. I hope we're doing that. I hope we make you proud. I hope that when people think of Isabelle Christine Duffy, they think about how special your life was, how happy you made so many people, and how much good has come from your life.
I love you.
Mommy
Comments
Post a Comment
I have allowed anonymous commenting on this blog. I really appreciate all the feedback I have received, and I like to know who gives it, so if you would be so kind as to leave your name with your comments. And if your name is Angie, please give me an initial with it, I know far too many of you.