My husband thinks I'm amazing

I was given a tremendous opportunity last night. Mississippi Valley Regional Blood Center asked me to speak at their Macomb Donor Recognition banquet. They were recognizing individuals who had hit the 1 gallon or greater mark. They thought that Isabelle's story would emphasize the importance of blood donation. I thought, "I think they already know" but whatever.
They asked me to do this months ago, and I agreed and then remembered that I hate speaking in public. I actually hate doing anything in public. It used to be that going to the bank or post office made me have a panic attack. Literally. Then I decided that I wanted to be different, I didn't want to be a hermit, and I forced myself to be different and I took any opportunity to step out of my comfort zone. I find that if I can find just one person that I know, in a crowd, I can let the other faces go blurry and think that I'm speaking to a group of friendly acquaintances. So now, the new and improved Niki without all the panicking.
I've been working up the outline of my speech in my head for some time, but I know that I get lost if I don't know exactly what I'm going to say, so I wrote it out. I revised and rewrote, and then when I had it right, I read it from beginning to end one last time, and cried. Not good. Then I realized that there was a strong possibility that I could not do this without losing it in front of everyone. So I read it and read it and read it, thinking that I could numb myself and get through it.
So it's yesterday and I'm getting ready and going over things in my head and I can feel the sadness envelope me. This is going to be the very first time that I have shared Isabelle's story out loud. I write it and share it online, but I have never told her story from beginning to end out loud. I know, and I hope that this is just the first time I share her story to make a difference, and I hope that it gets easier.
Duffy is getting ready to go and he offers one last time to speak for me, and I tell him that I want to do this for Isabelle. The truth is, I want to do it for both of us. I want to do it, so that I know that I can and I want to do it, because it's my job to carry on Isabelle's work.
We get there, and I'm meeting Amanda, and Kirby and Sam and Michelle is there and I'm so excited to put faces to all the names of the wonderful people who work for MVRBC. My wonderful best friend Gretchen and her husband are there, right in the front so I have friendly faces to see, and they have great coffee. I'm all set. Suddenly it's my turn and I get up there and talk for I have no idea how long. I don't lose it and turn into a blubbering mess. I stop a few times because telling it makes all the images and faces run back through my mind. It was like being there at OSF all over again. I walk back to my table and my husband, gets up and gives me the biggest hug. We sit down and he tells me I'm amazing, and that he's proud. That's a big deal. He's not a sugar coater and if I had stunk it up, he'd have said something.
I hope that Izzy heard me, I hope that I made her proud, I hope I get this right for her. I hope that I can make her mark a big one. But until I get to see her and hear her tell me I did okay, I'll wrap myself up in knowing that my husband thinks I'm amazing.