I spent a lot of time trying to decide whether or not to delete my last post. I actually clicked the delete button, but then read through the post from beginning to end, including a paragraph that I added last night. Then I decided not to.
I started this blog to let out my feelings, to help myself. I don't write for anyone else. I don't write to let you know how I'm doing or where I am in my grieving process. This helps me. It helps me tremendously. I might have lost it by now if it wasn't for my writing therapy. It annoys my husband endlessly that I put so much out there in public, and I guess I see his point, but for me, the benefit outweighs the invasion of my privacy. And I guess I hope that if anyone stumbles upon my blog that is in an earlier stage of grief, maybe reading this and seeing how insane some parts of grieving are, then they won't feel so alone.
I never name names, and I hope this person won't mind, but you should all know that Jennifer Eckman has helped me tremendously this past year. I would have been much more concerned about my mental health had she not talked honestly to me about what was lurking around the bend for me. I hope that I can help someone the way she has helped me.
So back to deleting....
I decided not to. That post was an accurate representation of how I felt. It's true. It's brutal, but if I start censoring myself because I'm worried about how other people might feel, then I might as well stop writing the painful stuff so I don't upset anyone. And I'm not going to do that. This blog is mine. So read it or not, like it or not I will not censor myself.
I started this blog to let out my feelings, to help myself. I don't write for anyone else. I don't write to let you know how I'm doing or where I am in my grieving process. This helps me. It helps me tremendously. I might have lost it by now if it wasn't for my writing therapy. It annoys my husband endlessly that I put so much out there in public, and I guess I see his point, but for me, the benefit outweighs the invasion of my privacy. And I guess I hope that if anyone stumbles upon my blog that is in an earlier stage of grief, maybe reading this and seeing how insane some parts of grieving are, then they won't feel so alone.
I never name names, and I hope this person won't mind, but you should all know that Jennifer Eckman has helped me tremendously this past year. I would have been much more concerned about my mental health had she not talked honestly to me about what was lurking around the bend for me. I hope that I can help someone the way she has helped me.
So back to deleting....
I decided not to. That post was an accurate representation of how I felt. It's true. It's brutal, but if I start censoring myself because I'm worried about how other people might feel, then I might as well stop writing the painful stuff so I don't upset anyone. And I'm not going to do that. This blog is mine. So read it or not, like it or not I will not censor myself.
I always knew that part of Noah's purpose was going to be me helping other moms....but it still sucks!! If I was the last mom EVER to lose a child, I would have been thrilled!! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be an encouragement to another grieving mom someday. It will bring it all back and it will be very emotional, but you will be "real" and that mom will need to hear it...just like you did. Love ya and see you this afternoon!!
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