Dear Isabelle,
Today is your first birthday. I hope that you get to have parties in Heaven, or at least cake. Everyone should get to wear cake on their first birthday. I would have given you chocolate. I wonder if it would have been Elmo, or Abby Cadabby, or some other creature that you loved enough to have it be your theme. You would have gotten toys, and weird things that your sisters picked out for you, that probably would really have been for them, but they would have played with you. I don't think you'd be walking yet, because I imagine they would have carried you all over creation.
It's funny, how clearly I remember you and every single thing you did. It's like my brain has crystallized those memories so that they'll always be there, because you're not. I hope they don't fade as time passes.
I'm sorry my girl that I didn't visit your grave on your birthday. I planned to, and I feel guilty that I didn't. I wanted to bring you flowers, and a little part of me wanted to bring you a balloon because I know you would have been mesmerized by the ballons. I don't think Daddy wanted to do balloons, and it's still hard for him to go there, so I didn't make it an issue. I thought about you all day, and I missed you. I miss you. Present tense.
The blood drive was a huge success. People I don't even know showed up to donate blood in celebration of your life and your birthday. I am humbled by how good people are. I am amazed at how giving people can be when it's a good cause. I think there were a million places we would rather have been, to celebrate your birthday, messy cake girl, but we were there to celebrate you. I hope it makes you proud to know that the people you loved and who loved you, stepped up for you when it counted. I hope you felt all of our love. I hope you feel all of our love.
I miss you. I wish I could hug you and give you a kiss, and find you on your birth minute, so I could see your face. So instead I close my eyes and picture you, and imagine what it would be like if you were here.
I love you.
Mommy
Today is your first birthday. I hope that you get to have parties in Heaven, or at least cake. Everyone should get to wear cake on their first birthday. I would have given you chocolate. I wonder if it would have been Elmo, or Abby Cadabby, or some other creature that you loved enough to have it be your theme. You would have gotten toys, and weird things that your sisters picked out for you, that probably would really have been for them, but they would have played with you. I don't think you'd be walking yet, because I imagine they would have carried you all over creation.
It's funny, how clearly I remember you and every single thing you did. It's like my brain has crystallized those memories so that they'll always be there, because you're not. I hope they don't fade as time passes.
I'm sorry my girl that I didn't visit your grave on your birthday. I planned to, and I feel guilty that I didn't. I wanted to bring you flowers, and a little part of me wanted to bring you a balloon because I know you would have been mesmerized by the ballons. I don't think Daddy wanted to do balloons, and it's still hard for him to go there, so I didn't make it an issue. I thought about you all day, and I missed you. I miss you. Present tense.
The blood drive was a huge success. People I don't even know showed up to donate blood in celebration of your life and your birthday. I am humbled by how good people are. I am amazed at how giving people can be when it's a good cause. I think there were a million places we would rather have been, to celebrate your birthday, messy cake girl, but we were there to celebrate you. I hope it makes you proud to know that the people you loved and who loved you, stepped up for you when it counted. I hope you felt all of our love. I hope you feel all of our love.
I miss you. I wish I could hug you and give you a kiss, and find you on your birth minute, so I could see your face. So instead I close my eyes and picture you, and imagine what it would be like if you were here.
I love you.
Mommy
We love you, Izzy! Happy birthday! You are the cutest, most special one year old girlie girl out there!
ReplyDeleteKerri