Please

Wow! In case there was any doubt in my mind that I am being punished for something. We were at Maddy and Abbey's softball game last night, I was sitting at the picnic table keeping the score book and peeking at the wonderful board member who were landscaping the area around Isabelle's flagpole. I was feeling pretty good, considering, and the game was a wonderful distraction. Then I hear that noise. That all too familiar noise of the helicopter headed to the hospital. It flies over my house. My house. The softball fields are not on the flight path to my house. Seriously. I looked for Duffy, but he was busy in the game, Holly caught my eye and gave me a tentative thumbs up and I nodded my head. But then I flashed back to last year, same date, roughly same time. And I could see it all again. The look on Dr. Lockard's face, the look on the flight crew's face. I should have known then, maybe I did. They certainly must have known that she was already gone.
It hit me like a mack truck, and I barely made it to the bathroom. Into a stall without toilet paper, I tried to be quiet, but those bathrooms echo, for future reference. Jen came in and I got her shirt all wet, but I needed a shoulder just then.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what else I can do. I am sorry. I think I'm a good person, and I cannot fathom what else I can do. I am begging you to tell me what you want from me, because I cannot give you anymore and still have any desire to take breath. You have given me more than I can handle, and I don't want to be tested any more. Please.