I have not been writing in quite some time. For a number of reasons. I'm tired. I don't have time. I am making a concerted effort to unplug and give my family my undivided attention when we are together. Whenever I open the laptop JT thinks it's time to watch the minions. Because I no longer feel like I can be totally brutally honest when I write. Oh wait, I can. I could write what I think and write what I feel, and then deal with the fallout. The hurt feelings, the misunderstandings, the people who read too much into my thoughts, the people who assume I am talking about them specifically. I could do all of that. I have done that before. I lost a dear friend because she was intolerant of any opinion, thought or view that didn't correspond directly to hers. And another friend who disapproved of my use of MY facebook account. Another friendship has been forever changed, by these incidents. So aside from the wonderful feeling that comes from speaking my mind, what is there to gain from speaking my mind?
This very question kept me awake for some time last night. I composed one facebook status 9 times last night before I gave up. What I wanted to say was this: Remember a time, not very long ago, when we all vowed that terrorists would not change how we live our lives? Remember when we said that to change what we do every day would be to let them win? I do. I still believe that. I also believe that terrorism comes in all shapes and sizes, foreign and domestic. I think child predators are domestic terrorists. They scare the shit right out of me. Every minute that my children are out of my sight, I panic at every worst case scenario I can think of. However. HOWEVER. To make them afraid every day, to make them fear walking home from school, to make them suspicious of every grown up they encounter, to make them live in fear is not something I'm going to do. We are honest with them about risks and dangers, they watch the news with us every night. They walk home from school, lots of times, they walk to school. On snow days and holidays they go hang out at the Y with their friends. They don't have nearly as much freedom as I did at that age, but they have a lot more freedom than some of their friends.
Now, there are those who will disagree with me. That's fine. Every parent makes different choices based on what works for them. Let me share some of what I use when trying to reassure myself that I'm not crazy irresponsible (which I do all the time, I second guess myself like crazy).
The most recent, comprehensive national study for the number of missing children estimated in 1999: [1]
Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were reported missing.
More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.
More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
An estimated 115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These “stereotypical” kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.
*the above statistics are from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.*
Unintentional Injury 11,560
Motor Vehicle 6,683
Drowning 1,056
Fire/Burn 544
Poisoning 972
Suffocation/Strangulation 1,263
Firearm 138
*the above information is from the National Child Mortality Data, 2007*
So, (gosh it's taking me a while to circle back around to my original point) all of this was on my mind last night, and I said nothing, because I didn't want to imply that I thought what my friend was doing was wrong. I didn't want him to have hurt feelings or feel attacked. We are both allowed to have different opinions, but lots of times, especially on hot button topics like this, it is impossible to separate emotion from the debate. And it leads to someone, or everyone feeling attacked, or judged, or that they are being bullied, or condemned. And sometimes I think that the intention is to quiet opinions and views and beliefs that we disagree with, or that we would rather not hear because they make US question our beliefs and actions.
Here's the problem with that. We cannot purport to be supporters of freedom of speech and religion and all that other amazing stuff that we take for granted, if we want to quiet the people that have opinions we don't like, even if they have opinions that we "KNOW" are wrong, and we "know" that they're just uninformed ignorant bigots, even then they are allowed to think what they want. Until they are practicing hate speech, until they are inciting criminal activity, they get to think whatever they want. I think that sucks sometimes, I do. I feel strongly that in the future, those who are so vehemently anti-LGBT will be viewed in the same light as the white supremacists of the 60's, and I would like to round up every last one of them and water board them until they see sense, but like it or not, they get to hold their own beliefs. And I get to believe that they are total jackasses, see how this works?
Unfortunately however, this is a cycle that doesn't seem to have any end in sight. Thin skinned people will always be out there. Lots of times, I am one of them. I can't tell you how many hours I've lost stewing about a perceived slight or offense, how many times I've said or posted nothing so as to avoid controversy or confrontation. The choice is mine to make, speak my mind and not give a damn, or put other's feelings ahead of my own. No good answer I think.
This very question kept me awake for some time last night. I composed one facebook status 9 times last night before I gave up. What I wanted to say was this: Remember a time, not very long ago, when we all vowed that terrorists would not change how we live our lives? Remember when we said that to change what we do every day would be to let them win? I do. I still believe that. I also believe that terrorism comes in all shapes and sizes, foreign and domestic. I think child predators are domestic terrorists. They scare the shit right out of me. Every minute that my children are out of my sight, I panic at every worst case scenario I can think of. However. HOWEVER. To make them afraid every day, to make them fear walking home from school, to make them suspicious of every grown up they encounter, to make them live in fear is not something I'm going to do. We are honest with them about risks and dangers, they watch the news with us every night. They walk home from school, lots of times, they walk to school. On snow days and holidays they go hang out at the Y with their friends. They don't have nearly as much freedom as I did at that age, but they have a lot more freedom than some of their friends.
Now, there are those who will disagree with me. That's fine. Every parent makes different choices based on what works for them. Let me share some of what I use when trying to reassure myself that I'm not crazy irresponsible (which I do all the time, I second guess myself like crazy).
The most recent, comprehensive national study for the number of missing children estimated in 1999: [1]
Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were reported missing.
More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.
More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
An estimated 115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These “stereotypical” kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.
*the above statistics are from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.*
Unintentional Injury 11,560
Motor Vehicle 6,683
Drowning 1,056
Fire/Burn 544
Poisoning 972
Suffocation/Strangulation 1,263
Firearm 138
*the above information is from the National Child Mortality Data, 2007*
So, (gosh it's taking me a while to circle back around to my original point) all of this was on my mind last night, and I said nothing, because I didn't want to imply that I thought what my friend was doing was wrong. I didn't want him to have hurt feelings or feel attacked. We are both allowed to have different opinions, but lots of times, especially on hot button topics like this, it is impossible to separate emotion from the debate. And it leads to someone, or everyone feeling attacked, or judged, or that they are being bullied, or condemned. And sometimes I think that the intention is to quiet opinions and views and beliefs that we disagree with, or that we would rather not hear because they make US question our beliefs and actions.
Here's the problem with that. We cannot purport to be supporters of freedom of speech and religion and all that other amazing stuff that we take for granted, if we want to quiet the people that have opinions we don't like, even if they have opinions that we "KNOW" are wrong, and we "know" that they're just uninformed ignorant bigots, even then they are allowed to think what they want. Until they are practicing hate speech, until they are inciting criminal activity, they get to think whatever they want. I think that sucks sometimes, I do. I feel strongly that in the future, those who are so vehemently anti-LGBT will be viewed in the same light as the white supremacists of the 60's, and I would like to round up every last one of them and water board them until they see sense, but like it or not, they get to hold their own beliefs. And I get to believe that they are total jackasses, see how this works?
Unfortunately however, this is a cycle that doesn't seem to have any end in sight. Thin skinned people will always be out there. Lots of times, I am one of them. I can't tell you how many hours I've lost stewing about a perceived slight or offense, how many times I've said or posted nothing so as to avoid controversy or confrontation. The choice is mine to make, speak my mind and not give a damn, or put other's feelings ahead of my own. No good answer I think.
Debate is a healthy thing. It is one of the things that make this country great and help us progress. Why not enter into a healthy discourse with your friends on the issues that you feel this strongly about? Isn't it an act of social media terrorism to be calling people "thin skinned", "biggots" and/or "jackasses" without letting them know who you are referring to? Isn't that a larger act of cowardice than posting your thoughts on an issue directly to an issue to let them rebut? If they are truly your friend they will only respect you more.
ReplyDeleteOops! Didn't know it was going to post as Dad's Tackle Box. Sorry! This is Lance.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with you that it would be cowardly if I were referring to one person specifically. This is not one of my favorite writings as my thoughts were so meandering. This particular thought process was along the lines of the people who don't feel that anti-gay rights activists should be allowed to speak. While this post was inspired by you, I was in no way lumping you in with the jackasses. I think that in 20 years, the people who spend so much time working against the LGBT community will look like the white supremacists of the 60's, and my phrasing was an attempt to illustrate that no matter how reprehensible the beliefs may seem to you, it doesn't give anyone a right to silence them.
ReplyDeleteThanks Niki! I agree with you on the LGBT issue. I also think someday they will look back at all the straight actors that portray gay characters and look at in much the same way we view the "black face" era of Hollywood. How could a heterosexual actor possibly know what it is like to be gay anymore than a white actor could portray a black character? I'm surprised Hollywood hasn't realized this yet. They are using at the leading edge of issues like this.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a good point, but at the same time, if producers only use LGBT actors to portray those roles, does that mean LGBT actors shouldn't be able to portray straight characters? That would cut out a TON of roles, and very strong actors (Ellen Page, Jodie Foster, Matt Bomer) would be out of a job. Also, I think some straight actors have done an amazing job playing gay people (Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Tom Hanks, Sean Penn). Part of the problem of blackface is that it was done to mock black people. As a member of the LGBT community, my only request for a straight actor playing a gay person is that they spend time in the community and that there is at least one LGBT consultant signing off on the acting, so that it is done with respect and appropriately.
ReplyDeleteAs for the theory about everyone being able to speak their mind, they absolutely should be able to do so. Speak it. But if they are running a business, they shouldn't be allowed to discriminate in any way, including using their business' money to promote anti-LGBT legislation or hate groups.
I should clarify: I think it would be EXCELLENT if minority roles were FIRST OFFERED to a member of the corresponding community, such as someone who is disabled or races that look similar to others. You're right, Lance. No one, no matter how close they are to the community, can possibly understand exactly what it feels like to BE part of it unless they've gone undercover and lived that way for an extended period of time. I think there was actually an LGBT study done like this, similar to the "Black Like Me" experiment done by John Howard Griffin in the late 1950s/early 1960s. Timothy Kurek was the young man who did it: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/oct/13/bible-belt-conservative-year-gay
ReplyDelete