I have lived with men. I currently live with a man. I work with them. I talk to them and interact with them on a pretty regular basis. If you had asked me in July of 2012, I would have told you that I had a pretty good handle on the basic functionality of a male human being. Holy hell was I totally wrong.
Until July of 2012 I was the mother of girls. Hair bows, dance costumes, tinkerbell music, sparkly shoes, fairy wings, all that stuff lived in my house and I could do that. I can mother girls like nobody’s business. In fact when the sonogram technician told me at 16 weeks that she was pretty sure I was having I boy I said, “Not likely, I only have girls.”
Now I have this boy and while I feel like I’m catching on pretty quickly, he still surprises me. For example, let me relay to you our adventures this morning.
3:30 am I awaken to the sounds of bouncing springs and “Mommy, mommy, mommy” coming from the boys room. I walk in and he giggles and throws his monkey at me, and resumes jumping in the bed. I pick him up and remind him that it’s night night time. He points to the door and insists that we go out into the hallway. We walk up and down the hall and I point out all the darkness and show him that everyone else is sleeping. He is confident that there’s a party going on downstairs so we go downstairs and the dog growls at us because she is sleeping too. This prompts an “uh oh” but still no sleepiness. I try in vain to get him back to sleep, but no dice. Finally at 515 I give in and we settle into my bed to watch Vocabu Larry and Mio and Mao. He lays quietly and I doze a little until I feel trucks driving through my hair and down my back. He has found the cars under my pillow that he left in there last week and is now playing with them. Then I hear the sounds of a diaper being yanked off. I ask him if he needs to be changed. He says yes, I go to get a diaper. I come back and he is peeing on my bed having already taken off his diaper. We diaper him and strip the bed. Well I strip the bed, he screeches at me and tries to yank the sheets back onto the bed.
We go downstairs to get cheerios and coffee and watch minions. I squeeze in a mini workout while he watches the minions and then we go back upstairs so I can shower. While I’m showering he opens the curtain and throws in every single one of his bath toys at me. Then he scales the gate to his sister’s room and gets busted playing with her legos, she deposits him back into the bathroom and he’s pissed. I get out of the shower with shampoo in my hair and put him in his room with duplos and he seems to be fine. I get back in the shower to rinse and while I’m in the middle of shaving my legs, I hear wailing. I get back out and discover a totally naked boy standing in the middle of his other sister’s room covered in poop. Covered. So it is into the shower for him. I may have mentioned before that this toddler views showering as capital punishment, the screaming commences. We get out, we get dressed, he happily snuggles in for minion watching with his monkey friend and I try to make myself look pretty. I go back into the living room and there is no JT, I hear gleeful giggling in the kitchen. Guess who is eating dog food with the cat? That’s right, JT and the cat are sharing what was a full bowl of dog food that is now all over the kitchen floor and Max (the monkey friend) is taking a bath in the water bowl. We brush our teeth and I swear to god all I need to do is run back upstairs and turn off the lights and the tv. Nothing bad can happen right? Ha. He has taken off his socks, shoes, pants and stuffed them in the toilet. The toilet and is giggling like a little maniac. Pants, socks and shoes option #2 back onto the boy, I grab my coffee and we head out the door, he puts his head on my shoulder, pats my cheek and says “Mommy.” Once again, his arse is saved by his cuteness.
Until July of 2012 I was the mother of girls. Hair bows, dance costumes, tinkerbell music, sparkly shoes, fairy wings, all that stuff lived in my house and I could do that. I can mother girls like nobody’s business. In fact when the sonogram technician told me at 16 weeks that she was pretty sure I was having I boy I said, “Not likely, I only have girls.”
Now I have this boy and while I feel like I’m catching on pretty quickly, he still surprises me. For example, let me relay to you our adventures this morning.
3:30 am I awaken to the sounds of bouncing springs and “Mommy, mommy, mommy” coming from the boys room. I walk in and he giggles and throws his monkey at me, and resumes jumping in the bed. I pick him up and remind him that it’s night night time. He points to the door and insists that we go out into the hallway. We walk up and down the hall and I point out all the darkness and show him that everyone else is sleeping. He is confident that there’s a party going on downstairs so we go downstairs and the dog growls at us because she is sleeping too. This prompts an “uh oh” but still no sleepiness. I try in vain to get him back to sleep, but no dice. Finally at 515 I give in and we settle into my bed to watch Vocabu Larry and Mio and Mao. He lays quietly and I doze a little until I feel trucks driving through my hair and down my back. He has found the cars under my pillow that he left in there last week and is now playing with them. Then I hear the sounds of a diaper being yanked off. I ask him if he needs to be changed. He says yes, I go to get a diaper. I come back and he is peeing on my bed having already taken off his diaper. We diaper him and strip the bed. Well I strip the bed, he screeches at me and tries to yank the sheets back onto the bed.
We go downstairs to get cheerios and coffee and watch minions. I squeeze in a mini workout while he watches the minions and then we go back upstairs so I can shower. While I’m showering he opens the curtain and throws in every single one of his bath toys at me. Then he scales the gate to his sister’s room and gets busted playing with her legos, she deposits him back into the bathroom and he’s pissed. I get out of the shower with shampoo in my hair and put him in his room with duplos and he seems to be fine. I get back in the shower to rinse and while I’m in the middle of shaving my legs, I hear wailing. I get back out and discover a totally naked boy standing in the middle of his other sister’s room covered in poop. Covered. So it is into the shower for him. I may have mentioned before that this toddler views showering as capital punishment, the screaming commences. We get out, we get dressed, he happily snuggles in for minion watching with his monkey friend and I try to make myself look pretty. I go back into the living room and there is no JT, I hear gleeful giggling in the kitchen. Guess who is eating dog food with the cat? That’s right, JT and the cat are sharing what was a full bowl of dog food that is now all over the kitchen floor and Max (the monkey friend) is taking a bath in the water bowl. We brush our teeth and I swear to god all I need to do is run back upstairs and turn off the lights and the tv. Nothing bad can happen right? Ha. He has taken off his socks, shoes, pants and stuffed them in the toilet. The toilet and is giggling like a little maniac. Pants, socks and shoes option #2 back onto the boy, I grab my coffee and we head out the door, he puts his head on my shoulder, pats my cheek and says “Mommy.” Once again, his arse is saved by his cuteness.
Love those little boys <3
ReplyDeleteKerri :)