Dearest Centers for Disease Control,
I am writing you this letter to inform you of my exposure to Ebola. I was in Africa sometime recently. Don’t ask me when, I’m just horrible with dates. I just thought you should know I spent a considerable amount of time rolling around with heavily infected people, I mean really, spent a lot of time with them. I mention this because I’m suddenly not feeling super great, cough, cough, and I feel warm. Here, feel my forehead do I feel warm to you?
I mention this, only because I see that you are offering 21 days of quarantine to people who have been exposed and I feel that I definitely should be quarantined. In a room by myself. I don’t need my cell phone, or a computer. A television with Netflix capability would be okay, but I can absolutely manage with just some books. And a bed. And please, don’t inflict this hardship on my husband or children. Just me, you should just quarantine me. Alone. I’ll be quiet I swear. And I definitely won’t be ignoring direction and riding my bike around publicly like that psycho Kaci Hickox. If she had any children common sense, she’d be enjoying the hell out of her quarantine. Not that a quarantine is to be enjoyed. No sirree bob. I fully intend to spend every single minute of the 21 day quarantine, in misery at the uninterrupted quiet, and naps, and through the night sleeping, and book reading or movie watching.
Sincerely,
A woman who knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth
I am writing you this letter to inform you of my exposure to Ebola. I was in Africa sometime recently. Don’t ask me when, I’m just horrible with dates. I just thought you should know I spent a considerable amount of time rolling around with heavily infected people, I mean really, spent a lot of time with them. I mention this because I’m suddenly not feeling super great, cough, cough, and I feel warm. Here, feel my forehead do I feel warm to you?
I mention this, only because I see that you are offering 21 days of quarantine to people who have been exposed and I feel that I definitely should be quarantined. In a room by myself. I don’t need my cell phone, or a computer. A television with Netflix capability would be okay, but I can absolutely manage with just some books. And a bed. And please, don’t inflict this hardship on my husband or children. Just me, you should just quarantine me. Alone. I’ll be quiet I swear. And I definitely won’t be ignoring direction and riding my bike around publicly like that psycho Kaci Hickox. If she had any children common sense, she’d be enjoying the hell out of her quarantine. Not that a quarantine is to be enjoyed. No sirree bob. I fully intend to spend every single minute of the 21 day quarantine, in misery at the uninterrupted quiet, and naps, and through the night sleeping, and book reading or movie watching.
Sincerely,
A woman who knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth
Cracking. Up. So. Hard.
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