I have failed miserably as a mother of daughters. I am setting them up for failure. I am jeopardizing their self-esteem, sense of self worth, future earning potential, their ability to be leaders, decision makers, compete with men in their chosen profession or be able to be taken seriously. I ought to have my mom card revoked. Hell, I ought to be drawn and quartered.
You better sit down. I am going to give you, in graphic detail, all of the things I do wrong.
I tell my daughters that they’re beautiful.
Abbey loves to build the pink “girl” legos. I buy them for her.
Maddy likes to do her hair. I help her. I braid, curl, and flat iron her hair based on her requests.
Maddy loves dance. She is 12, she wears costumes that are sparkly and pink and she wears makeup and false eyelashes.
Abbey is a gymnast. She trains hard and very carefully adheres to a diet designed to enhance her muscle growth and reaction. She is 10.
Maddy loves love stories. She is a romantic at heart and could spend a whole weekend watching romantic comedies.
Have I disgusted you yet? Are you appalled at my parenting choices? No? Well, you, my friend, are the growing minority. I feel bombarded every day by bloggers, and parenting experts who feel that what I do is irresponsible and at the detriment of my daughters. I just read an article the other day who’s title was “How braiding your daughter’s hair could cost her millions.” The premise of the article was a study that suggested that girls who were taught to take pride in their appearance would grow up to be unable to function in high-powered professions. And that the really successful women of the world did not do their hair or wear makeup. WHAT?!?!
Here’s what the jerkfaces who are shaming girls who like pink, and barbies and sparkly princesses and love stories are totally missing. IT IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION PEOPLE. If the only thing I complimented my daughters on was their appearance, if I never praised their hard work, or their kindness, or if I degraded them if their appearance wasn’t up to par, then they absolutely would grow up with a skewed sense of worth based on appearance.
I worry every day about the messages that Maddy and Abbey are bombarded with. I worry about the airbrushing jackasses at magazines as much as I do the evil minions who tell girls it’s not okay to like pink and want to be pretty. I am working to raise confident, hard workers who take pride in what they do and who they are. They are smart and talented and insanely disciplined. They are kind and funny and really great girls. They are also crazy beautiful. And I just can’t figure out why I would ignore part of who they are, ignore things that they like, things that are important to them. “No I’m sorry Abbey, you can’t have that stables lego set. It’s too pink. Pink is bad.” “Maddy, stop combing your hair, you don’t need to look nice. Go read a book.” “No sweetie, I’m sorry I can’t braid your hair. We’re grooming you to be the next CEO for Men’s Wearhouse.”
This is what my daughters hear. “You looked great on stage. I am amazed by how far you’ve come with all the hard work you put into practice. You should be really proud of yourself.” “Hey pretty girl. How was school today? You got an A on your math test?!? That’s fantastic. Aren’t you glad you did that extra studying last night?” “No, you may not skip practice to go to Kacie’s brother’s basketball game. You made a commitment to your team and you have to keep that commitment.” “Whoa! I can’t believe you put that 782 piece lego set together in 3 hours. That’s crazy amazing.” “I love it when you wear your hair down. You have such pretty long hair.”
I never feel bad about the messages I send my girls. Never. I feel bad when I lose my temper. I feel bad that I don’t have more time to just hang out with them. But I feel really great about the balance I bring to developing them into confident, competent women who have their own self-worth that isn’t dependent on someone else, or something else. So the pretty, pink, sparkly, princess, Barbie shamers can go suck it.
You better sit down. I am going to give you, in graphic detail, all of the things I do wrong.
I tell my daughters that they’re beautiful.
Abbey loves to build the pink “girl” legos. I buy them for her.
Maddy likes to do her hair. I help her. I braid, curl, and flat iron her hair based on her requests.
Maddy loves dance. She is 12, she wears costumes that are sparkly and pink and she wears makeup and false eyelashes.
Abbey is a gymnast. She trains hard and very carefully adheres to a diet designed to enhance her muscle growth and reaction. She is 10.
Maddy loves love stories. She is a romantic at heart and could spend a whole weekend watching romantic comedies.
Have I disgusted you yet? Are you appalled at my parenting choices? No? Well, you, my friend, are the growing minority. I feel bombarded every day by bloggers, and parenting experts who feel that what I do is irresponsible and at the detriment of my daughters. I just read an article the other day who’s title was “How braiding your daughter’s hair could cost her millions.” The premise of the article was a study that suggested that girls who were taught to take pride in their appearance would grow up to be unable to function in high-powered professions. And that the really successful women of the world did not do their hair or wear makeup. WHAT?!?!
Here’s what the jerkfaces who are shaming girls who like pink, and barbies and sparkly princesses and love stories are totally missing. IT IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION PEOPLE. If the only thing I complimented my daughters on was their appearance, if I never praised their hard work, or their kindness, or if I degraded them if their appearance wasn’t up to par, then they absolutely would grow up with a skewed sense of worth based on appearance.
I worry every day about the messages that Maddy and Abbey are bombarded with. I worry about the airbrushing jackasses at magazines as much as I do the evil minions who tell girls it’s not okay to like pink and want to be pretty. I am working to raise confident, hard workers who take pride in what they do and who they are. They are smart and talented and insanely disciplined. They are kind and funny and really great girls. They are also crazy beautiful. And I just can’t figure out why I would ignore part of who they are, ignore things that they like, things that are important to them. “No I’m sorry Abbey, you can’t have that stables lego set. It’s too pink. Pink is bad.” “Maddy, stop combing your hair, you don’t need to look nice. Go read a book.” “No sweetie, I’m sorry I can’t braid your hair. We’re grooming you to be the next CEO for Men’s Wearhouse.”
This is what my daughters hear. “You looked great on stage. I am amazed by how far you’ve come with all the hard work you put into practice. You should be really proud of yourself.” “Hey pretty girl. How was school today? You got an A on your math test?!? That’s fantastic. Aren’t you glad you did that extra studying last night?” “No, you may not skip practice to go to Kacie’s brother’s basketball game. You made a commitment to your team and you have to keep that commitment.” “Whoa! I can’t believe you put that 782 piece lego set together in 3 hours. That’s crazy amazing.” “I love it when you wear your hair down. You have such pretty long hair.”
I never feel bad about the messages I send my girls. Never. I feel bad when I lose my temper. I feel bad that I don’t have more time to just hang out with them. But I feel really great about the balance I bring to developing them into confident, competent women who have their own self-worth that isn’t dependent on someone else, or something else. So the pretty, pink, sparkly, princess, Barbie shamers can go suck it.
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