When I was pregnant with my son after having 3 daughters, the thing I heard most often was “Boys are so much different than girls.” So true, I have seen and heard and said things that never would have come out of my mouth with the girls. Let me illuminate.
• Last Friday JT was running around with no pants and no underwear after his bath. I’d left him to his own devices to get all clean. He got out and dried off and I asked him if he’d gotten his whole body clean. He said “let me check.” I then watched him try to lean forward (whilst still standing up) to check his penis and butt to make sure they were clean. He leaned so far forward trying to look at his undercarriage that he fell face first into the wall.
• On several occasions I have said “We do not show our penises at the table.”
• He smashed his head trying to ride his tricycle up the stairs.
• I had to chase him through the HyVee parking lot last week because I told him to stop licking cars. He said “Nope. “ and then ran as fast as he could and licked about 5 more vehicles before I caught him.
• Anytime we go to the store and we see a truck, we have to walk over and touch the tires.
• I asked him to put pants on and he replied “UGH. Why are you so demanding?”
• Last week he wanted to take a walk early in the morning. I said “No, I’m drinking my coffee first.” He grabbed my mug, chugged the coffee and said “Done. Lets go.”
• He’s a booger connoisseur. “Mom, look at this one. It’s so big and green.”
• At our first softball practice of the season (for his 12 and 13 year old sisters) I found him peeing in the dugout. “Mom, I had to go.”
• He knows all the words to Iggy Azalea’s song Booty. “Big big booty, cuz you got a big booty.” And sings it. Loudly. Often. Publicly.
• He made up his very own word to describe his nether region. Boonis. Combo butt and penis.
• When he poops, he yells for me so I can see the poop, and comment on it.
• We walk the neighborhood every Sunday morning that we’re home so that we can look for new good sticks and rocks. The good ones come home with us and live underneath his bed.
• He is a perpetual motion machine. He even manages to stay in motion while asleep. Which is why it takes at least an hour every night to get him to sleep. I have to wait for him to be motionless for 5 consecutive minutes to get him to sleep. This requires strategic positioning of stuffed animals and heavy blankets. I suspect that if I had access to a strait jacket or one of those thundershirts that are weighted to calm down animals, he’d sleep like a champ.
• I was mopping the floor and walked away. When I came back I found the bucket dumped out, and the naked boy running and sliding through the water as though the dining room were one big slip and slide.
• During the heavy rains in December, I had a flooded basement. About 2 inches of water. JT spent hours in his rain boots down in the basement, running and splashing and sliding. “Mom. This is better than having a pool!”
He’s a funny funny kid. He’s a little incorrigible. And a handful. And a tornado. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I just can’t wait til he’s less obsessed with his penis and boogers.
• Last Friday JT was running around with no pants and no underwear after his bath. I’d left him to his own devices to get all clean. He got out and dried off and I asked him if he’d gotten his whole body clean. He said “let me check.” I then watched him try to lean forward (whilst still standing up) to check his penis and butt to make sure they were clean. He leaned so far forward trying to look at his undercarriage that he fell face first into the wall.
• On several occasions I have said “We do not show our penises at the table.”
• He smashed his head trying to ride his tricycle up the stairs.
• I had to chase him through the HyVee parking lot last week because I told him to stop licking cars. He said “Nope. “ and then ran as fast as he could and licked about 5 more vehicles before I caught him.
• Anytime we go to the store and we see a truck, we have to walk over and touch the tires.
• I asked him to put pants on and he replied “UGH. Why are you so demanding?”
• Last week he wanted to take a walk early in the morning. I said “No, I’m drinking my coffee first.” He grabbed my mug, chugged the coffee and said “Done. Lets go.”
• He’s a booger connoisseur. “Mom, look at this one. It’s so big and green.”
• At our first softball practice of the season (for his 12 and 13 year old sisters) I found him peeing in the dugout. “Mom, I had to go.”
• He knows all the words to Iggy Azalea’s song Booty. “Big big booty, cuz you got a big booty.” And sings it. Loudly. Often. Publicly.
• He made up his very own word to describe his nether region. Boonis. Combo butt and penis.
• When he poops, he yells for me so I can see the poop, and comment on it.
• We walk the neighborhood every Sunday morning that we’re home so that we can look for new good sticks and rocks. The good ones come home with us and live underneath his bed.
• He is a perpetual motion machine. He even manages to stay in motion while asleep. Which is why it takes at least an hour every night to get him to sleep. I have to wait for him to be motionless for 5 consecutive minutes to get him to sleep. This requires strategic positioning of stuffed animals and heavy blankets. I suspect that if I had access to a strait jacket or one of those thundershirts that are weighted to calm down animals, he’d sleep like a champ.
• I was mopping the floor and walked away. When I came back I found the bucket dumped out, and the naked boy running and sliding through the water as though the dining room were one big slip and slide.
• During the heavy rains in December, I had a flooded basement. About 2 inches of water. JT spent hours in his rain boots down in the basement, running and splashing and sliding. “Mom. This is better than having a pool!”
He’s a funny funny kid. He’s a little incorrigible. And a handful. And a tornado. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I just can’t wait til he’s less obsessed with his penis and boogers.
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