Things I'm learning about getting older. Yes I know I'm only 39, but holy hell does this all creep up at once.
My metabolism has officially retired and is lounging around on a chaise in the sun somewhere.
I received a packet of information from AARP in the mail last week.
At my last eye appointment I asked about trying a different contact lens because my eyes were feeling dry at the end of the day. My eye dr said (and I swear to god this is legit) "Well, at a certain age, women just start to dry up."
My hip clicks when I move it a certain way
I get really hot at night when I sleep. Sometimes I have to kick all the covers off. Sometimes I wake up sweaty. When I mentioned this in the presence of another woman she said "Oh, those are hot flashes."
I have been forced to institute an elaborate multi step skin care plan and all the bottles read "Advanced Aging"
Starting college classes in 2 weeks and I'm terrified that no one will believe I'm actually a student.
I just realized that my number of eyelashes has been cut in approximately half. Why did no one tell me that eyelash thinning was a thing?
People who were born the year I graduated HS are now old enough to drink. (I want to shred all those stupid calendars that are on the counters in places that sell booze "You must have been born before this date in 1995 to buy alcoholic beverages" ASSHATS)
I used to eat whatever I wanted. Now there is a list of things I can't eat unless I want to burp that taste all day. I can't drink water that's too cold or it makes me have reflux. There are things I can't eat without having reflux. And garlic? Forget it unless I have a burning desire to spend the next 2 days tasting it.
I find myself quizzing other people about their cholesterol levels and then boasting about how awesome mine are.
I'm going to be 40 in June. I am still not sure how I feel about that. I suspect the day of it won't be much of a big deal. But then I could also wake up and spend the day having a little pity part because I've been forced to say good bye to my 30's. Who knows. Gravity is kicking my ass, but I have push up bras and spanx. If I drink an ocean's worth of water each day, my wrinkles are minimized and with the good makeup I can pass for 35. I have hair long enough to put in a bun and pulling my hair back tightly is almost the same as having a face lift, BUT without the Kenny Roger's look of perpetual surprise. I wear a lot of black and that is something that young people do so it confuses the average bystander. And I have a 4 year old son, and no one expects a 40 ish woman to have been crazy enough to tackle that stage of kid life at her age. So that automatically deducts 5-7 years from their age guesstimate. I may have this aging thing kicked.
My metabolism has officially retired and is lounging around on a chaise in the sun somewhere.
I received a packet of information from AARP in the mail last week.
At my last eye appointment I asked about trying a different contact lens because my eyes were feeling dry at the end of the day. My eye dr said (and I swear to god this is legit) "Well, at a certain age, women just start to dry up."
My hip clicks when I move it a certain way
I get really hot at night when I sleep. Sometimes I have to kick all the covers off. Sometimes I wake up sweaty. When I mentioned this in the presence of another woman she said "Oh, those are hot flashes."
I have been forced to institute an elaborate multi step skin care plan and all the bottles read "Advanced Aging"
Starting college classes in 2 weeks and I'm terrified that no one will believe I'm actually a student.
I just realized that my number of eyelashes has been cut in approximately half. Why did no one tell me that eyelash thinning was a thing?
People who were born the year I graduated HS are now old enough to drink. (I want to shred all those stupid calendars that are on the counters in places that sell booze "You must have been born before this date in 1995 to buy alcoholic beverages" ASSHATS)
I used to eat whatever I wanted. Now there is a list of things I can't eat unless I want to burp that taste all day. I can't drink water that's too cold or it makes me have reflux. There are things I can't eat without having reflux. And garlic? Forget it unless I have a burning desire to spend the next 2 days tasting it.
I find myself quizzing other people about their cholesterol levels and then boasting about how awesome mine are.
I'm going to be 40 in June. I am still not sure how I feel about that. I suspect the day of it won't be much of a big deal. But then I could also wake up and spend the day having a little pity part because I've been forced to say good bye to my 30's. Who knows. Gravity is kicking my ass, but I have push up bras and spanx. If I drink an ocean's worth of water each day, my wrinkles are minimized and with the good makeup I can pass for 35. I have hair long enough to put in a bun and pulling my hair back tightly is almost the same as having a face lift, BUT without the Kenny Roger's look of perpetual surprise. I wear a lot of black and that is something that young people do so it confuses the average bystander. And I have a 4 year old son, and no one expects a 40 ish woman to have been crazy enough to tackle that stage of kid life at her age. So that automatically deducts 5-7 years from their age guesstimate. I may have this aging thing kicked.
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