Dear Isabelle,
You should have been 5 months old today. You'd still be bald. All Duffy girls are without hair until at least 3. You'd be a smiling, gorgeous girl. You'd have a tooth or two, and we'd for sure be trying to get you to eat all those yummy pureed foods. I wouldn't because I'm sure that Maddy and Abbey would argue over who got to feed you.
Your swing is still in the living room, but you'd probably have outgrown it by now, and instead would have a jumpy seat there. I registered for a very cute monkey one. It's still on my Wal-Mart wish list.
Maddy and I went to see you today. There are so many flowers there. It warms my heart and breaks it all at once to see them there. I can still see the outline of the space they dug for your small white coffin. The space is nearly covered in clover and I can't help but think Aunt Katie would find a bunch of four leaf clovers there. Maddy helped me to pick out the flowers. Orange daisies for KSL and purple daisies because that's Abbey's favorite color. I don't know if that matters, if you know that they're there, but it makes me feel better to do something.
I don't know what I miss about you the most. I think it's just your presence. You had such a calming effect on all of us. The feeling I most often associate with you now and before May 19th was peace. When you came home, our house seemed so peaceful. It's still there. I can feel it when I'm in your room. I miss your smell. We all use your lotion from time to time and both girls still call it Izzy's lotion. Maddy says she misses the way you used to stare at her. I think Abbey misses getting to pick out your clothes. Daddy misses squishing your cheeks and holding you like a football.
I think of you so many times a day I could never count them all. Your crazy Miss Julia is getting married this weekend. You would have been the best honorary, in title only, leaf girl ever, and we would have found the best dress ever for you, and I promise I never would have made you wear tights. I will think of you when I watch them start their life together, and I will share as much of that magical night with you as you want.
Every time I have held one of my brand new Duffy girls in my arms I felt honored to be a mother. I am. Those are the 3 proudest moments of my life. I love you. I miss you every day. There is a piece of my heart with you always.
Mommy
You should have been 5 months old today. You'd still be bald. All Duffy girls are without hair until at least 3. You'd be a smiling, gorgeous girl. You'd have a tooth or two, and we'd for sure be trying to get you to eat all those yummy pureed foods. I wouldn't because I'm sure that Maddy and Abbey would argue over who got to feed you.
Your swing is still in the living room, but you'd probably have outgrown it by now, and instead would have a jumpy seat there. I registered for a very cute monkey one. It's still on my Wal-Mart wish list.
Maddy and I went to see you today. There are so many flowers there. It warms my heart and breaks it all at once to see them there. I can still see the outline of the space they dug for your small white coffin. The space is nearly covered in clover and I can't help but think Aunt Katie would find a bunch of four leaf clovers there. Maddy helped me to pick out the flowers. Orange daisies for KSL and purple daisies because that's Abbey's favorite color. I don't know if that matters, if you know that they're there, but it makes me feel better to do something.
I don't know what I miss about you the most. I think it's just your presence. You had such a calming effect on all of us. The feeling I most often associate with you now and before May 19th was peace. When you came home, our house seemed so peaceful. It's still there. I can feel it when I'm in your room. I miss your smell. We all use your lotion from time to time and both girls still call it Izzy's lotion. Maddy says she misses the way you used to stare at her. I think Abbey misses getting to pick out your clothes. Daddy misses squishing your cheeks and holding you like a football.
I think of you so many times a day I could never count them all. Your crazy Miss Julia is getting married this weekend. You would have been the best honorary, in title only, leaf girl ever, and we would have found the best dress ever for you, and I promise I never would have made you wear tights. I will think of you when I watch them start their life together, and I will share as much of that magical night with you as you want.
Every time I have held one of my brand new Duffy girls in my arms I felt honored to be a mother. I am. Those are the 3 proudest moments of my life. I love you. I miss you every day. There is a piece of my heart with you always.
Mommy
Oh, Isabelle, five months ago I watched you be born, and I held you, and I fell in love. I miss you, and we'll all be thinking of you this weekend. I love you so very much.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful....all I can come up with to say
ReplyDeleteThere is so much beauty in your words. Thank you so much for sharing...
ReplyDelete